TESTIMONIAL: A SATISFIED WEIRD DUDE BLOG VISITOR
I Hate this Son of a Bitch, Hanson Anderson.
Widow Mrs. Agnes White, a Resident of Sunny Acres Hospice and a Tragic 87 year old victim of Cyber-Crime.
Mrs. Agnes White recently purchased several selected novelty items online from This Blog which specializes in the online sale of Luxurious, Quality, Faux, Novelty Jesus Beards made from Real Human Hair.
In Agnes’ Letter, she relates her impression of my Blog, as well as her satisfaction in the subsequent online purchases she made from my quality product line of faux Jesus Beards; moreover Agnes also shared her Warm Feelings for me, and her Strong Impressions of my general character and outstanding intelligence. If I may be so humble I will let the testimonial speak for itself.
Agnes Writes:
I just want everyone who visits the Weird Dude Blog to know the following:
“This bane of my existence,” Weird Dude,” Hanson Anderson, is a scourge to society. He is a quintessential Idiot, ill-bred, and of low, base character. He is devoid of any respect or decency for elderly persons. During my career I taught English grammar for 35 years and I can authoritatively say that Hanson is nothing but a dolt. He writes at a 2nd grade level at best. This blog is nothing but a mess of egregiously misspelled words, improper grammar, and horrible punctuation. Boil it down, and all that is left is dozens of mind numbing, incoherent, run-on sentences, which are all non-sequiturs.
I would describe Mr. Anderson as being a purulent abscess of festering puss, rotting away on the buttocks of the collective bare-assed, gullible, public’s backside. This nauseating boil, must be lanced by the voice of truth, thus releasing the fetid, puss – the yellow ooze that is so much, virulent, and infectious bull roar.
View at your Peril
Mrs. White Continues:
…This Hanson Bastard subliminally marketed his hand-made, imitation, Novelty Jesus Beards –directly to me –on this criminal blog! When I came to my senses, I had already grabbed my purse, and used my Visa to make several purchases. I was swindled out of 1200 dollars and left with an empty purse. Now all I have is four goddamned, Fake Jesus Beards!
“God forgive me for using profanity, but I hate this son of a bitch and I would gladly kill him with my own hands, if I could just have my fingers around his neck for 30 seconds!”
-Agnes White, Sunny Acres Hospice a tragic 87 year old victim of cyber-crime.
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Now friends,
I shall let Mrs. White’s letter’s quoted excerpt speak for itself, as Agnes White’s freely submitted testimony, for my complete credibility. This is unsolicited testimony kindly quoted from a virtuous, Christian, and terminally ill – recently impoverished – elderly widow.
Now it is simply not true that I duct taped Mrs. Agnes White 87, to a lawn chair and starved her until she agree to type a prepared false statement.
Nonetheless she did file a police report stating that she had been abducted by someone who looks like me. However Agnes suffers from a severe case of
Alzheimer’s disease. She doesn’t remember things, moreover she often remembers things which never actually happened–then recounts these “Alzheimer’s induced lies,” convince that they actually happened to her.
Never Happened
Regardless of her dementia, Agnes was not attempting to deceive; she is just old. Also she was arrested 2 weeks ago for shoplifting a can of peas. She did so as she had no more money for food. However I do not judge her, and I maintain that Agnes is in reality a good person although she does need to spend a week in jail.
If all the untrue parts of this old woman’s delusional halluci-scenario are removed – we are left with purely genuine praise from an obviously satisfied visitor who loved Weird Dude -the Blog of Beards. I am sure Agnes will be a lifelong Jesus novelty Beard customer-once she pays off her Visa.
Why not get your own Religious Novelty Faux Jesus Beards today? Each luxurious facial hair piece is made of 100% human hair. I buy hair by the pound from a local barber college that shears alcoholic homeless vagrants once a month. Then I hand craft and weave each one using much love and great care to detail. The unwashed hair even smells like an Aramaic Peasant. Now you can wear a full, sensual, Lordly beard — just like Jesus Christ –our Lord and Personal Savior. Put several in your shopping cart today! That’s what Jesus would do.
Now Featuring New Faux Baby Jesus Beards!
Now Featuring New Faux Baby Jesus Beards.
–Public Apology: I regret that I have used little profanity in this blog as my laptop keyboard’s “F” character key is sticking – Still I do promise you that I have made every effort to incorrectly punctuate and misspell the same words up to three different ways on the same posts. If you read this blog carefully I am sure you will agree that I have succeeded.
- Hanson Anderson
