Spooning Instructions for Couples

Atheism, Religion, and Morality:

Atheism, Religion, and Morality: A Serious Look at Our Social Values.

Guest Writer Beverly Stevens

Repost: See Original Article with Media.

In most societies, it is believed that the highest moral standards and values are taught by our religions. We pass religious and moral values down from parent to child, generation after generation. Most people in religious societies firmly believe: Their society would fall apart without good, strong religious guidance. Without religion, we would be engulfed in evil. Without religion, all that is good would end and chaos would follow. Without religion, nothing would stop people from committing crimes, and our very lives would be at risk every moment. Belief in God or Allah is the only thing that keeps us safe.

The implied truth of this has been told to us by our parents, our religious leaders, our religious friends, and our holy books (the Bible, the Koran). Many are so certain that this is true that they won’t question the validity of their beliefs. And, those who do question (nonbelievers) are obviously flawed and morally fallen people.

Fear of punishment does stop people from doing wrong, but does it make people more moral?

“The Second Fall of Man”

 

Since their beginnings, Reason, Empiricism, and Knowledge were branded as evil. And in time, scholars of these three systems had unforgivably crossed the line. Their first crime was the heresy of suggesting new truths, which were incongruent with the common, long-held, older truths that had stood for so long as sacrosanct.

And the new truths suggested were realized by the Church to be an exigent and perilous threat. It was a threat to established Orthodoxy and in some cases, its Canon. This created great enmity in the Church leaders towards such scholars who submitted these new truths.

Lightning-speed diet breakfast cereal

“The Anvil,”A rival and ridiculously named Fake News Blog recently went on a rampage once again in an ongoing attempt to publicly tarnish my business.

This blog, which is sponsored by Slim-Fast canned diet shakes, is deep in the pocket of corporate funding, subsidized to create a mudslinging campaign against me. It has now released a smear campaign against my scientifically validated diet product, Captain Skinny’s, lightning-speed diet breakfast cereal with Taper-Slim ® miracle marshmallows.

A recent post on The Anvil explicitly accused me of “Swindling “Morbidly Obese” back-water yokels, and other country-fried rubes out of their precious food stamps for big profits. It incorrectly stated that I am selling a dangerous diet quack-cereal which has killed 172 people. This is an outright distortion as that number is highly exaggerated.

The post further claimed that I operate as a criminal, under the guise of a legitimate business man, selling Captain Skinny’s at rural county fairs. This is an outright distortion. I operate, with a valid permit, in the parking lot of the Essex County chicken plucking factory, and sometimes at upstanding county hog-wresting contests held at state licensed mud gambling pits.

I want to assure all 3 of my blog viewers here at Weird Dude, that no words ever spoken could be more malicious, false, and also hurtful. I want to publicly state that Captain Skinny’s is a healthy, safe, and moreover a permanent solution to being overweight. Captain Skinny’s also tastes great, as it is the only diet cereal on the market that contains sugar, dark chocolate, real butter, cream cheese, and butter scotch.

And dieting is easy as users are recommended to eat at least 2 huge bowls of Diet Skinny’s at breakfast and two heavy meals a day. Each box of Captain Skinny’s also comes with a carton of appetite curbing filter-less cigarettes and one free can of maple-bacon, syrup to pour all over each 8,000 calorie bowl of this revolutionary diet cereal.

Taper-Slim ® Miracle Marshmallows!

If you are thinking, “Come on, do you really expect me to believe that a diet product which allows me to eat whatever I want actually works? The answer is “yes,” but you don’t have to take my word for it, just try one box of Captain Skinny’s, lightning-speed diet breakfast cereal with Taper-Slim ® miracle marshmallows, and discontinue–forever.

After that, you may eat anything you want, and as much as you want, for the rest of your life, and you will never need to diet ever again! That’s guaranteed. If you don’t lose all the weight, and keep it off, I will personally drive to your home and issue you a giant cashier’s check for $20,000 dollars!

Everyone knows Slim Fast does not work. And everyone also knows that you starve to death for the time you are using it. Don’t believe The Anvil’s lies. Try Captain Skinny’s if it doesn’t work I will dump a huge pile of cash on your doorstep!

Disclaimer: The weight loss ingredient Taper-Slim® works for the reason that each delicious “miracle marshmallow” is riddled with dozens organic fertilized tapeworm eggs. In a clinical study, test subjects who were treated with Taper-Slim ® marshmallows reported that they had to eat 5 times the amount of groceries as they did before using Captain Skinny’s, as compared to patients who used Slim Fast canned diet shakes. Some Taper-Slim® users experienced sensations similar to “painful hunger” when they did not choose to carry on a constant gorging body fat maintenance process. However, this pain subsided in several weeks in such subjects, as they all eventually died from starvation. Consult your veterinarian before using Captain Skinny’s to see if the product is right for you. By buying one box of Captain Skinny’s users agree not to sue in the case of serious medical problems or death that may result from use.

Contains Tapeworm Eggs

The 3 Questions I get asked the most.

Weird Dude: An Interview with the Eric Baker,

Editor in Chief of “The Anvil.”

1. Eric Baker:        Hanson Anderson, Why are you so weird?

My reply:               “Weird,” is such an ugly word, and believe me; I hear that question a lot from just about everyone. Frankly, I’m rather confused as to why people would ask me that.

Am I “Weird,” just because I do things in an unconventional way? Most people don’t realize this, but thinking out-side the litter box, well this is what geniuses do. And not just cat geniuses, but real people geniuses.

And a lot of illustrious geniuses did eccentric things. So I’m really quite OK with the fact that I pompously wear a cowbell around my neck everywhere that I go. Leonardo da Vinci did that too. And Edison, like me, delighted in sitting alone in his study, in a high-back chair, butt-naked, while tootling on the French horn to the beat of a metronome. And Henry Ford, in his later years, did just what I did – he disavowed cars, and for the rest of his life, he rode on the back of a winnowed old Chinese grandmother everywhere he traveled.

Horror Scopes

 

WEEK OF MONDAY/06/27/2011

Aries It’s very principled of you, not to mention brave, to stand by your beliefs, but by week’s end you’ll have graphically conclusive proof that bullfighting is not fake.

Taurus this week’s revelations will be especially traumatic for you unless you get it through your thick head that sex is natural and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with transvestism.

Gemini You were just being clever, if a bit arch, when you said “Either this wallpaper goes or I do,” but the wallpaper will use its powerful social connections to have you ostracized from polite society.

Relax with Bubbles and Music

 

Christ Dies of Massive Coronary at 2,011 years of Age

Heaven – “Jesus Christ,” a major figure in Christianity, Died today of a massive heart attack at the advanced age of 2,011 years. This is the aged Savior’s second death. The weakened, out-of-shape, Son of God had been receiving no exercise, leading a sedentary life, which consisted of predominantly spending his time watching cable television for the last 2 millennia.

"AN AGED CHRIST HAD NOT BEEN FEELING OR LOOKING WELL"

“He hasn’t been looking or feeling well as he had lost a lot of skin and hair, and most of his lower teeth,” said one Arch Angel who did not want to be identified by name. “He had sort of let himself go just sitting in a throne, on the right hand of god.”

My Long Anticipated Book!

My long awaited book is fresh off the press!
“A Compendium of Curious Questions, Various Lists, and Shocking Facts about Eric J. Baker,“

If you love to hate the Billionaire, Misanthrope, and reviled Blogger, Eric J. Baker, (Editor in chief of The Anvil Fake News), you will want to go to Amazon immediately, and buy my new electrifying book. The 876 page Compendium includes answers to the following questions, as well as, hundreds of lurid, jaw-dropping facts, and numerous shocking and bizarre lists. The book has all of these things and much, much more.

Below are just 10 of the 247 Topics covered in this Book:

1) Are there 8 unspeakable secrets Eric Baker has, that would ruin him if they were made known to the general public? The Answer is “Yes.” And a list of these horrific secrets will be provided in this book—you can decide for yourself if we should re-legalize stoning–and pummel him to death, with his own private collection of 297 rare pet rocks, circa 1979.

Cure Stress with Miracle Onion

I use natural, holistic, medicine- to remedy stress from my job as a bomb squad technician. This treatment really does work. if you are not a male bomb squad worker, but maybe a female teacher you can adjust it accordingly to your personal situation.

MIRACLE ONION

If you should feel stress, or work related panic- just take a long hot bath. Dry off, then walk into the kitchen completely nude. If you have roommates it is in good taste to leave a note beforehand.

Take a pot of water and boil a large green onion for exactly 7 minutes. No more. No less.

When it is done, use your, LEFT hand and quickly shove the boiled onion into the end of a long ,cotton work sock. Your hand will be badly burned after you do this. Simply coat it in goose grease for the pain. It will heal.

Now tie the sock and onion around your neck. The onion should hang done to your chest at heart level. If breasts are in the way – use duct tape.

Then slather peanut butter under each arm pit before going to bed.

Now use your RIGHT hand and find a large wooden spoon – as you will need it later. Go lie down in bed.

Old People are Useless

ARE THEY REALLY NECESSARY?

Let’s face it; old people are useless, I mean no disrespect but they look like old shriveled up, dried out lizards. They are metaphorical Reptiles that need all sorts of unnecessary extravagances like elbow cream, heart medication, and gold bond brand anti – itch powder. Also they smell like urine. Need I say more?

They probably will often be peeling an empty banana. Every five minutes they forget their address and have no idea the old lady in the room is actually their husband or wife of 50 years and are likely to soon do something stupid. Like mistakenly sit in a bean bag chair. That’s like a turtle on its back in the dessert. They aren’t getting out of that chair alive. If you really want to help them, then go buy a coffin.

Kid Traumatized; Sees Sarah Palin’s Boobs on Blog

BILLIONAIRE ERIC BAKER’S SMUT BLOG

TRANSSEXUAL SARAH PALIN LOOK ALIKE VICTIMIZED 6 YEAR OLD CHRISTIAN BOY, BILLY BEASLEY

BILLIONAIRE  ERIC BAKER, MISANTHROPE AND CHIEF EDITOR OF THE ANVIL

LOS ANGELES, CA. – Young Innocent Billy Beasley, 6 was traumatized last month, when he was researching the internet for his Hero, Tea Party Candidate Sarah Palin, so he could write a story about the Conservative Gun toting Christian Political “Role Model” for a school assignment. However, tragically, when young Billy typed “Palin” into the Google search box and hit “I feel lucky,” he sure got “lucky” – “lucky” the way a sailor would define lucky!

Young Beasley clicked a link, a link he thought- was for a story that would be about Sarah Palin (A Hero,) except that the picture that showed on his monitor, after clicking the hyperlink, was an essentially nude picture of Sarah Palin (A Whore.) This actually was a “look-alike Sarah Palin” loosely clad in scanty black negligée

NONSANETENCES MAY, 2011

Battery-operated Levitating Machine

Eco-Friendly, Solar-Powered Chainsaw

Lusty, Transsexual, Lumberjack Log-Running Contests

IT COULD HAPPEN!

Nuclear Powered Bulldozer Driving Into the Future!

Exquisite Edible Bumper Sticker

Super-Sized, Disposable, Electron Microscope

What happens when blog comments wrong pets?

What happens when Mexican Fighting Corn enacts independence?

Velcro, Heat-Seeking Missile Sensor

Buy Holy Grail – Free Polishing Cloth.

Well Hung Inflatable Midget Amputee

SLINKY COMPANY ISSUES EMERGENCY RECALL

SLINKY SAFETY RECALL

This week, after sixty-six years of reliably disappointing Children’s hopefulness, and dashing their expectations; Slinky® Inc. issued a National safety warning and emergency product recall for a batch of an estimated 180 malfunctioning Slinky’s which do not meet manufacturer standards or customer exceptions in the long-standing Slinky Company’s Product.

The one-hundred, eighty Slinky’s which were released through gross negligence have already been shipped to several dozen public toy stores over 3 days ago in a multi-state, disastrous mishap.

WeirdDude Art film : Lucid Dreams

A Spectrum of Eclectic, Post Modern, Right-Brain Imagery.

To Blind a Potato with Eyes

THE HIDEOUS TEN EYED POTATO!!

I am always traumatized when I reach into a bag of potatoes, which I forgot about, and have been in my pantry for way too long. It really makes the hairs on the back of my neck raise, when I find that those once smooth, beautiful potatoes have secretly sprouted those eerie, sick, white eyes.

I just want to quickly slice off those disgusting things. Still, I cannot in all good conscience, take a knife, and start blindly stabbing at the potato trying to hack all of those pointy eyes off—it’s just somehow not right to blind a potato (Especially since potatoes, as you know, are sentient and definitely feel pain.) It would make me a monster, if I panicked and got “knife-crazy.” The starchy object could only sit there, in my palm, helplessly screaming in silence. And it would have to watch me, with its 10 terror-stricken eyes, as I was slapping away at it with my frenzied stabbing.

GRAFFITI ON THE STALLS OF THE MEN’S PUBLIC RESTROOM

The men’s public restrooms’ toilet stalls at least in Texas, where I have lived all my life, are almost always covered wall to wall inside the stall with graffiti. Most of the colorful epigrams are scribbled in ink, or sometimes magic marker, which the authors must bring with them just for this purpose. A certain percentage of the graffiti is etched into the paint with a key, or possibly a pocket knife.

Despite constant, periodic attempts, in the more upscale restrooms, to paint over the tasteless works of all the ribald authors, the walls are instantly refilled with the unstoppable phenomenon of graffiti, written by squatting defecating men.

First of all, 60% of this “prose” just is the two classic words “Fuck You.” Then ranks lusty sexually graphic descriptions of how , a guy who is surely taking a dump,” loves pussy” and fucking in general. At the University, a guy who I am assuming was Biology major wrote “I live for the titration of vaginal fatty acids.” I have to give full credit to higher education in the field of natural sciences.

That’s Just Wrong!

 

It’s Wrong on So Many Levels. I can’t help but laugh!

1. Why did the young boy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus.

 

 2. How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 17.

 

3. A seal walks into a club.

 

4. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

 

5. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? “I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

 

6. So this guy walks into the doctor’s and says “Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this.” The doctor says “Yes, you’ve shattered both your kneecaps. You’ll never walk again.

 

7. Obama is right-handed (JUST LIKE HITLER) that is why I am voting for the Tea Party.

 

Sir Raging Ham, Mud-Boots, Hell-Flicker

Sir Mud-Stripe, Boggle Boots, Hell-Flicker, Mud-Stomping, Raging Ham

This hobbling, ham-hock, and furious mud-boot-befitted, bovine-blasphemy, pagan-piglet–is on an Unholy, non-stop pilgrimage to the center of the Holy Land.

He’s the “other, Transubstantiation-white-meat,” a non-sacramental, dinner choice, for the entire Atheist Family dinner table tonight.

The Anvil – Evil Eric Baker’s Legacy of Lies

As avid News Consumers, we have all been drawn into the internationally celebrated satirical Fake News Blog, known as “The Anvil.” As you are all aware, this Fake News Portal is a mega-blog, inspired by the esteemed, Billionaire Eric J. Baker–who is known on Word Press as the much-loved, “Old Ancestor.” Baker is widely known for his hard-hitting “in your face” classic brand of inoffensive, PG-13, family-friendly, Satirical Fake News reports. Outwardly he appears beyond reproach. For his achievements, “Old Ancestor” was recently given a key to the Lincoln bedroom, at the White house.

However, this Week in Journalism, shocking allegations made by me-

“Weird Dude,” or “Hanson, Anderson,” paints a very different picture of Eric J. Baker. My unverifiable assertions have shaken the journalistic community at its very foundation.

I am required by law to state, that the following allegations are not true. However, as an unbiased journalist, it would be irresponsible of me to not report them here, for the general public, so that they may then judge Mr. Baker, for what he really is, a bad person – a bad person whom should be judged harshly, and with much disgust. Allow me to elaborate, if you will be so kind.